Christiana’s POV.
I had tried to stay calm, but it was useless. Alex had invaded my mind, leaving me restless, pacing around my apartment as if moving could shake off the weight of him. His eyes….haunted, broken…when he saw me in Daniel’s arms, they haunted me. The man who always had something to say, who could cut you down with his words or charm you with a smile, had been silent. And it wasn’t just the silence. It was the way he looked at me, like his soul had been ripped from his body.
I couldn’t sit still any longer.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I grabbed my keys and stormed out, my heart pounding in my chest. I had to find him. The thought of him drowning in whatever darkness had taken him down gnawed at me, even though I despised him… hated him for how he made me feel, for never letting me forget.
After what felt like hours of searching, I finally spotted him through the glass walls of a bar. He was hunched over the counter, his back to the door, and James, his ever–loyal P.A., stood beside him. From the empty bottles scattered around, it was clear he was drunk…very drunk. I pressed a hand to my chest, trying to calm the unease that gripped me, but it was no use. The sight of him like that hit me harder than I expected.
Quickly, I walked in, after puffing out a heavy breath.
And then I stood there for a moment, frozen, watching. Then I heard him, his voice, slurred but still unmistakably his.
“I know,” he muttered, taking another swig. “I saw the way she looked at him. She never looked at me like that. Never.”
I clenched my fists. He was talking about me.
My breath hitched in my throat as he suddenly turned, as if sensing my presence. His eyes found mine, while I was standing there, and for a second, everything stopped. The world around us faded away, and it was just him and me. His eyes…God, his eye…were filled with so much pain, and beneath all that drunken state, there was love. I hated it. I hated how much I could still feel it.
“Christiana,” he was shocked for some seconds upon seeing me there, and I knew it was because I was the last person he was expecting to see at that moment.
He stumbled to his feet, knocking the empty bottles aside.
I marched over to him, ignoring the curious stares from the other patrons. My chest was tight, emotions swirling, couldn’t decide if I was angry or just heartbroken.
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I
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I snapped, yanking the bottle out of his hand and slamming it on the counter. He chuckled, his voice low and thick with alcohol. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” His eyes roamed over me, lingering in a way that made my skin crawl, but not because it was unwanted…because I hated how much power he still had over me. “Where’s Daniel? Hm? Still comforting you?”
I narrowed my eyes, fury bubbling up inside me. “You’re a fool, Alex. A complete fool.”
His smile faltered for a moment before he laughed again, a hollow, bitter sound. “Yeah… I guess I am.” He leaned closer, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. “But look at you. Always so damn perfect,”
“Shut up, Alex, I hissed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, don’t I?” His gaze darkened, and he looked at me like I was both his salvation and his ruin. “I saw the way he looked at you. Daniel… he’s in love with you. I could see it. Did he touch you?” His words were sharp now, each one hitting me like a knife. “Your hands, your body?”
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I froze, my heart pounding in my ears. “What the hell are you talking about?”
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Alex laughed, shaking his head. “Did he touch you with his fucking mouth, Christiana?” His voice rose, and he grabbed my arm, his grip tight but not painful. “Did he?!”
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“Stop!” I yelled, pulling my arm free. “Just stop, Alex! You’re drunk, and you don’t know what you’re saying.”
There was a moment of silence between us, the air thick with tension. James shifted uncomfortably beside us, clearly not knowing what to do. I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn’t look away from Alex. The hurt in his eyes was unbearable.
“Why are you here?” His voice was softer now, almost pleading. “You’re good at avoiding me, Christiana. Good at disregarding everything I’ve tried to do, at making me feel like shit.”
His words hit me harder than I’d expected, leaving me momentarily speechless. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I hated him. I hated him so much, but seeing him like this…broken, hurting because of me…was more than I could bear.
He stared at me, his gaze searching mine, and for a moment, it felt like the world had stopped again. The love in his eyes, mixed with all that pain, was too much.
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe.
It was too much.
I stood there, staring at Alex, my heart pounding in my chest. His words were so raw, so full of hurt…left me rattled. I couldn’t just stand there anymore. Something inside me broke, and before I could stop myself, I stepped forward, closing the distance between us. James took a step back, awkwardly shifting his gaze between us, clearly sensing the tension that was about to explode.
“Alex,” I said softly, standing directly in front of him now. My voice was low but he heard it. He looked up at me, his drunken haze flickering with something…something deep and wounded.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, my frustration boiling over. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to make me feel like I’m the one who’s ruined everything when you’re the one who walked away.”
His eyes narrowed slightly, and I could see the storm brewing behind them. “I never walked away,” he slurred, leaning back on the barstool, his gaze still locked on mine. “You… you pushed me out. You were always pushing me out.”
I scoffed, crossing my arms tightly over my chest, trying to keep myself together. “Don’t twist this. You know that’s not true.”
He shook his head, his expression hardening. “You think I didn’t see it? How you’d pull back every time things got real? Every time I tried to get closer, you’d build a wall. And now…now you’ve moved on, with him.”
I clenched my fists, shaking my head in disbelief. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Before he could respond, the lights in the bar flickered once, then went out entirely. A collective gasp spread through the room, the sudden darkness swallowing us whole. For a moment, there was only silence, the air thick with tension and the smell of spilled liquor.
I barely had time to react when I felt a hand reach out, grasping my arm. Alex, even in his drunken state, had found me in the dark. His fingers were strong but not forceful, a protective gesture that sent an unexpected jolt through me.
“Christiana,” he muttered, his voice low and rough, laced with something that I couldn’t quite name. “Stay close.”
I stood frozen, my breath caught in my throat. The bar’s usual buzz of conversation was now filled with murmurs and footsteps as people fumbled in the dark. But all I could focus on was the warmth of his hand on my arm and the way my pulse quickened at his touch.
I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to care about him like this, to feel anything for him. Yet, here I was, drawn to him even when
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everything in me screamed to stay away.
When the lights flickered back on, Alex’s hand was still on my arm. His eyes found mine once more, and for a moment, everything else fell away. His gaze was soft but filled with the weight of everything unsaid. “You never answered me,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Why are you here?”
I swallowed hard, trying to form the words, but my throat felt tight. “Because I couldn’t stand it,” I admitted, my voice barely a whisper. “I couldn’t sit there, knowing you were… like this. It’s killing me, Alex.”
His lips curled into a faint, bitter smile, but his eyes stayed locked on mine, not blinking. “I’m already dead, Christiana. You just don’t want to see it.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and before I could stop myself, I stepped closer, lowering my voice so only he could hear. “Stop talking like that. You’re not dead.”
He laughed softly, the sound hollow and broken. “Feels like it.” He reached out again, his hand brushing against mine before dropping to his side. “Especially when I see you with him. Daniel.”
I shook my head, exasperated, trying to find the right words, but the emotions tangled in my chest. “It’s not what you think. He was just comforting me.”
Alex raised an eyebrow, his gaze darkening with mockery. “Comforting you? Is that what they call it now?”
“Don’t twist this,” I snapped, my voice sharp with anger. “You have no right…”
“I have every right!” he shouted, slamming his hand on the bar. The sound echoed, drawing a few more stares, but neither of us cared. “You have no idea what it’s been like… watching you, knowing I lost you. Knowing it’s my fault.”
“Is that why you walked away like that this afternoon?” My voice cracked despite my best efforts to stay composed. “You couldn’t even utter a word to me when I spoke to you.”
He looked at me, his eyes softening just for a second before the alcohol took hold again. “Maybe I thought you were better off without me. Maybe I thought I wasn’t enough.”
“That’s not for you to decide,” I whispered, my heart aching with the weight of his confession.
James cleared his throat awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable with the moment. But Alex’s eyes never left mine.
“Why are you still here?” Alex asked, his voice quieter
filled with disbelief. “Why don’t you just leave?”
I took a deep breath, my chest tightening. “Because I can’t.”
He stared at me, his expression unreadable, it was of anger, love, and confusion in his eyes. And in that moment, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I hated him for the pain he caused me, I couldn’t walk away from him.
Not yet. Not like this.
