Chapter 11
Jonathan’s clenched fists were trembling, his eyes full of regret and pain, his voice hoarse. Zara placed the box on the table in front of him and slowly opened it. Inside it were the things he had given her in the past.
Jonathan was visibly surprised to see these items. “You… Have you been holding on to these?”
Zara looked down and picked up a love letter. She seemed to be reminiscing as she read its contents. Her face was calm, and at that moment, Jonathan saw the distant, unattainable version of Zara he had known in the past.
“I once asked you a question and you said, ‘If at first glance you don’t like someone, then you are not fated with them.‘ That was how you answered me back then,” Zara said. She paused a bit and continued, “There was another question I wanted to ask you. Did you mean that you didn’t continue seeing those other women because you didn’t like them at first sight?”
Zara looked at Jonathan. In the instant their eyes met, she saw a flicker of something different in his usually gentle and kind eyes. There was a momentary flash of fear that was quickly concealed.
བདྡཱ དེ ཨེཎ བཅང མ སཟ ཟ་
“I suppose so. You were the only one who gave me a different feeling,” he replied.
Feeling?
Zara remained silent for a long time. Her silence was like a knife hanging over Jonathan’s head, teetering on the brink, ready to plunge into him. The fear of the future and the unknown tormented Jonathan like never before, leaving him lost and unsure of what to do.
But Jonathan was right in a way. Didn’t people often decide whether to get closer based on their first impressions? There was a mysterious sense of attraction between people, and those who were meant to be together would naturally draw each other in.
Jonathan had likely felt that he was attracted to Zara because she exuded a cool, mysterious air that made people want to get to know her and reach out to her.
Now, having learned everything there was to know about Zara, he no longer felt that initial feeling from her. This spurred him to find a mistress who he thought resembled the Zara from before. But then, he regretted it and was now desperately trying to win her back.
Zara stood in the warm, golden sunlight that was streaming through the window. Yet, her aloof aura made it seem as though she was standing in the cool moonlight. The glow that enveloped her made her look noble and distant.
“But the person who one falls for at first sight is not necessarily the fated one,” she said. “The ones who are truly fated for each other are the ones who stay together till the end.” She was talking about the two of them. Even if they felt a connection at first sight, they eventually grew apart. Falling in love at first sight was partially due to fate, but if one lost or missed out on that person, they would lose them for the rest of their lifetime.
These past eight years were proof enough that Jonathan was not the one Zara was meant to spend her life with. Those eight years were a lesson for her.
At first, the experience made Zara feel that she couldn’t trust anyone or believe in any relationship again. But after meeting Hayden, she gradually realized something.
It taught Zara to cherish those who treated her well and loved her consistently. She didn’t love him as deeply yet, but with the right time and the right person, they could have a peaceful, steady life together after marriage.
So, Zara finally understood and found the answer to the question that had puzzled her for so long in Jonathan’s letters.
She learned that she must not hold back in expressing love and never lose faith in anyone or anything in this world. The world would always offer warmth, and people would always bring surprises. So, she must not reject or resist someone who loved her sincerely and passionately because of her past bad experience with Jonathan.
“If only you had agreed to my proposal, perhaps we really could have been the ones destined for each other,” Zara said. “But you lost me.”
Jonathan desperately tried to deny that Zara no longer loved him. He numbed his intense emotions. The day they ended up loathing each other had finally come.
Indeed, he had felt a sense of irritation with Zara’s presence over time. He had grown tired of her. But he never really thought about what to do after he got tired of her. Could he truly leave her?
The answer was that he couldn’t. That was why he had shared his feelings with Hayden as a way to cope and didn’t break up with Zara.
He tried hard to suppress his emotions as tears welled up in his eyes. He stubbornly refused to let them fall. His hands shook uncontrollably.
“Is there… Is there really no chance for me anymore, Zar?” he asked, his voice trembling.
A beam of sunlight filtered through the window. Zara decided that she had to be clear about things.
“Then who will give Hayden a chance?” Zara asked in return. “I gave you eight years, Jonathan. You were my first love. Before you, I didn’t believe in love or think anyone was worth spending my life with. It was you who opened my eyes to the vast possibility of pouring out my love boundlessly onto someone.
“I hoped this would be the final destination for my love because I wanted to give lifelong happiness to the person who would walk through life with me. I wanted it to be you. “Even after you rejected me time and time again, and after you ignored me again and again, I still let myself forgive you over and over.”
Jonathan tried to respond, but his voice was choked with sobs, and words failed him. Zara had made her point too clear. Nothing Jonathan said would make a difference now. Zara didn’t think that Jonathan had never considered marrying her at all. After all, marriage was the only way to truly bind someone as a lifelong partner. Zara remembered that Jonathan had once promised her something.
He once wrote to her: “Hello, this is Jonathan. I hope you think of me when you read my words. When the plums ripened, I suddenly realized spring was gone, and my deep feelings began. This is a line from a book I read today that best describes me.
“The first time I saw you at school, I was deeply attracted to you. The sun was shining brightly, and the scent of flowers filled the air–it smelled just like the scent of your hair. “Occasionally, I could hear cicadas and birds singing. I liked this feeling which signaled that it was summer. I want to take you to see the lilies in my hometown and experience bungee jumping together with you. I don’t know if you’ll like it. I’ve never tried it myself.
“I just thought that such a thrilling activity would bring us closer together. Zar, I like you. I’m straightforward about liking someone. I hope you won’t feel pressured. I don’t need you to respond to me, but if your response is to be with me–I’d love to hear it.”
“From Jonathan To My Future Wife”
Before Jonathan could speak, Zara continued slowly, “So, why did you refer to me as your future wife? Have you really never thought of marrying me?”
Chapter 11
2/2
Zara wanted to hear his explanation. She hoped he would say that those words were just meant to deceive her. It would make the break cleaner.
“I wrote those love letters because I wanted you to notice me, and to remember me in your heart,” Jonathan replied.
Zara sneered inwardly, “So, this meant he admitted he never intended to marry her? That’s fine, then.”
“I see. So, that is why you never thought about proposing to me all these years.”
“But Zar, I did think about it before…”
Before was before, but now was now.
“Jonathan, once something happens, they can’t be undone,” Zara stated solemnly.
She took out an old letter from the box. If she remembered correctly, this was the first letter Jonathan had written to her.
He wrote: “Before I met you, I didn’t believe in love at first sight. Although my reputation in school isn’t great, I can cut off all contact with those other girls for you. I won’t talk to anyone else besides you.
“You are the only one in my eyes and my heart. Like solving an equation, the answer is loving you. All the words I write ultimately point to you. I don’t know how to express the passionate feelings boiling in my heart.
“But I know this clearly: I love you.”
Zara remembered that the first time she received this letter, curiosity made her open and read it. The words and feelings expressed inside were the most direct and clear confession she had ever received.
She put the letter back in the box and closed it. Then, she returned the entire box to Jonathan. It was unusual to take back things you’d given away. But if the other person no longer needed them, they would end up in the trash.
“I remember when you were pursuing me, I said that one day, all these things you gave me would only prove that you once loved me. That has now come true, hasn’t it?” Zara said. Jonathan placed his hand on the box, his eyes downcast. He was silent and couldn’t muster any words to speak.
Zara took a deep breath and said solemnly, “Jonathan, let’s break up.”
Jonathan’s lips trembled as he held back his pain and took a long breath. Memories of Zara flashed repeatedly in his mind. Finally, with a burning lump in his throat, he said, ” Okay.”
Upon hearing Jonathan finally agree, Zara’s cold expression softened a bit. “Well, then. Goodbye.”
Jonathan stared blankly at Zara’s departing figure, his eyes stinging. He turned to look at the things on the table in silence.
Zara took a taxi back to the hospital. On the way, she received a call from Hayden.
“Zar, where did you go?”
Zara felt a sense of relief. She could speak to Hayden more easily than before. “I talked to Jonathan. From now on, we won’t be contacting each other anymore.”
